what i like about my friends:
they come up with activities like “everyone write down what you like and dislike about everyone else in the room!” and it’s actually fun and funny and sometimes genuinely heartwarming. huzzah! all this in addition to going on an expedition to mars!

what i don’t like about my friends:
nothing, after last night.

and now it’s really, nearly, over.

little known fact: late-night thunderstorms terrify me! flashes of lightening that seem to light up the whole sky for minutes, not seconds? thunder that is rolling, booming, heavy and slow? there is something about thunderstorms that puts me completely on edge, anxious and unable to fall asleep. basically anticipating the next awful and unnerving quake.

in short, i am not one of those people who thinks thunderstorms are totally rad.

edit: on an unrelated note, i am looking to reinvent my life.

in five days i move into an apartment with the boy i love!

sometimes i catch myself in a moment and think, is this the right choice? am i setting myself up for failure? we are so young and silly and wrapped up in each other & new love. and yet there are those days when we fight long and hard, we are impatient and snap – he laughs me off and i give him the silent treatment in retaliation. he gets us lost, in the subway and again in the car, and i am marvelled by how little direction he has. i think, this is not going to work and i know he thinks it too.

but at the end of the day we take care of each other, the way two people in love should. we apologize and he rubs my arms and i kiss his forehead. we are never too careless with each other and it works exactly the way it should.

we spent today moving some of my things into the apartment, speculating about the bigger move this weekend. we did laundry, bought records and cooked dinner. we thought, separately and together, about what the next eight months will be like – only a kitchen apart.

the real thing is not as scary as i thought it would be.

there’s a chance that i’ll start to wonder if this was the thing to do.

august feels like a month of chances and consequences, but mostly loss. losing my former-roommate (suddenly a friend?) to another continent. reconnections complicate that kind of loss.

and the loss of good friends, best friends, to cities nearby. the kind of things i shouldn’t wine about but it feels like more than just empty miles when we’ve spent the past year & some months only steps apart. a busy street, an elevator ride.

i’m proud of the people in my life who have chosen new paths for themselves, building futures and real lives, but there is the selfish part that wishes we could stay silly and dependent (in february) forever because i am terrified of a future with fewer constants. of never again finding the highnotes that we hit together years ago.

three of my favourite things;